YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize