I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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