I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
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I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
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IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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