I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
nutella sex= disaster
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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