even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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