Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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