good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
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I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
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Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
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