you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
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I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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