Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
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