Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
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