She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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