the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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