Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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