I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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