if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
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I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
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I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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