He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
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