I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
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