I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize