I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize