A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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