Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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