We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
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