and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
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