Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize