I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
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If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
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ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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