i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
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Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
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I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
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