I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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