he thought i was a dude.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
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