your thong is hanging out like whoa
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
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I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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