Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
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I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
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So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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