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i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
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