honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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