Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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