Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
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