as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
There r osticjed everywhere
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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