I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize