just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
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just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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