Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
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ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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