sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
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casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
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It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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