Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize