Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That accounts for only three of the penises
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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