I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I understand Curling. That high.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
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If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
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I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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