i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
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