We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
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