Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize