there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
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and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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