yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
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my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
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You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
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