My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
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Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
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Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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