The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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