Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
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